i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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