True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
