I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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