no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
