my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
