Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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