I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
