I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
