Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
