Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
