Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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