this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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