I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
