if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
