she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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