what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
