no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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