when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
