Can i not drive my cunt home
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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