sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
