if you like me you must not know who I am
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found puke in my bra..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
