he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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