Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize