Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
