I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
