even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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