You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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