next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
