I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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