girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
