I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
