it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
