READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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