3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
