They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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