I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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