I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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