so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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