just tell him i said nine months
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
