Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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