Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
