Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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