Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
