You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
