I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
