just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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