I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
