white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
