I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
