I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
