i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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