I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
