The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
