I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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