Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
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Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize