i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
