Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
