I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
