I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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