When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
