I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
