I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days