but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
