somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize