Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
