have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.