Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.