Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.