So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
