She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
