she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
