loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you had me at cake vodka
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
