You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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