i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?