just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
