He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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