Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
