my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
