I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
