i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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