Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm always down for nudity.
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