I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
