hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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