A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
