? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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