Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
