Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
where are my eyebrows?
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