I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
