it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
