I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
