3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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